Consult Carson 5/20 – “How do I keep my personal life from hurting my work?”

From today’s mailbag: “How do I keep the disaster that is my personal life from destroying my work life and career?”

Carson: This dilemma befalls us all in one way or another at some point in our career. No matter how hard you try, your personal life will affect your mindset while at work in some way. Period. However, it is vital not to let it affect your output because if a disastrous personal life is allowed to make a business life disastrous, you’ve certainly got one heck of a disaster.

Tragedy in your life, end of relationships, trouble with the law, drama: they all serve to take your mind off your work at given times in the day. Depending on the severity, you most certainly should pursue resources available to you through your work or insurance to receive counseling and support through a difficult time. Most every company has these options and, if they do not and you have the means, you should seek professional treatment to assist you in coping with these challenges.

While I would love to say you should also be able to confide in your boss, I must warn to be careful and selective with whom you allow to see you bleed. I’ve known bosses who will use these sensitive subjects as ammunition against you later; even a boss that tells you they sympathize and are there to help. Furthermore, this rule goes with your co-workers and certainly with any employees you have. When keeping your personal life separate it means not talking about it in the workplace.

Finally, there is the emotional anguish that these things can cause. As best you can, “throw yourself into your work.” Focus so intently on the things you CAN control. We often cannot control these happenings in our personal life from spiraling out of control yet we have control over our business process and that can be very comforting. Exerting control over what you can control aids and soothes in whatever healing processes we must undertake. Most personal drama passes, but the impact it might have on our careers can be everlasting. This is why it is so vital to separate the two as best as you can. Take the frustrations and anguish you have out on the obstacles you face (constructively, of course). Because you cannot control your personal drama, control the energy you put into those reports or overcoming your customer’s objections. You’ll find you can very much turn negatives into positives. And, I truly hope you find positive resolution in any struggles you face!


Carson V. Heady posts for “Consult Carson” serving as the “Dear Abby” of sales and sales leadership. You may post any question that puzzles you regarding sales and sales leadership careers: interviewing, the sales process, advancing and achieving. You will also be directly contributing to his third book, “A Salesman Forever.”

Question submissions can be made via LinkedIn to Carson V. Heady, this Facebook page: , Twitter via @cvheady007 or e-mail at or you may post an anonymous comment as a reply to my WordPress blog at the bottom of this page:

Carson V. Heady has written a book entitled “Birth of a Salesman” that has a unique spin that shows you proven sales principles designed to birth in you the top producer you were born to be.

If you would like to strengthen your sales skills, go to

About cvheady007

I am a Christian, Husband, Dad, workaholic and author. Biography Carson Vincent Heady was born in Cape Girardeau, MO, graduated from Southeast Missouri State University and moved to St. Louis in 2001. He has served in sales and leadership across Microsoft, AT&T, Verizon and T-Mobile. Carson is best-selling author of the Birth of a Salesman series, the first book of which was published by World Audience Inc. in 2010. He released The Salesman Against the World in 2014, A Salesman Forever in 2016 and Salesman on Fire in 2020. He is also featured in Scott Ingram’s B2B Sales Mentors: 20 Stories from 20 Top 1% Sales Professionals. Carson is a 7-time CEO/President’s Club winner across 5 roles at AT&T and Microsoft and National Verizon Rockstar winner. He has been recognized as a top social seller at Microsoft and is consistently ranked in the top 25 sales gurus in the world on Rise Global. He is included among the Top 50 sales authors on LinkedIn. With over 330K social followers, Carson has also been interviewed on over 30 sales and leadership podcasts, by such luminaries as Jeffrey & Jennifer Gitomer, Jeb Blount, Brandon Bornancin, Sam Dunning, Larry Levine, Darrell Amy, Scott Ingram, Thierry van Herwijnen, Jim Brown, Sam Jacobs, Luigi Prestinenzi, Donald Kelly, Marylou Tyler, George Leith, Pat Helmer, Eric Nelson, Ron Tunick, Jeff Arthur, Mary Ann Samedi, Jean Oursler, Andre Harrell, Marlene Chism, Bill Crespo, Matt Tanguay, Josh Wheeler and Chad Bostick. He has also co-hosted the Smart Biz Show on EG Marketing Radio. His articles have appeared in several noteworthy publications such as SalesGravy, Smash! Sales, Salesopedia and the Baylor Sports Department S3 Report. Carson lives in St. Louis, MO, with his wife Amy and daughters Madison, Sidonia and Charlotte.
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